my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
