I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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