and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's the barista slut.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
