Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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