She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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