You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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