It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
