hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
