I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
