apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
