ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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