trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
