Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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