The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
