Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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