So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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