i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
