I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
