yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I want is dick and wine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
