we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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