Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
