I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
