Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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