Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
