She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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