So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
