I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
