He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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