What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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