Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
