On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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