I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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