oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
