If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
