I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
