Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
