omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
