I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
