I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
...so i touched it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
