there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
