The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
