i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
