once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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