drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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