So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
