I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
