Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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