This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
