She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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