I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
